


how much longing has to fall like snow (for the spring days to come?)

by vivahate



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Kuron is Shiro (Voltron)'s Clone, M/M, Post S4, but he is only mentioned this is the aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 18:36:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivahate/pseuds/vivahate
Summary: For a moment Lance thinks Keith is going to argue back. Say that there’s something wrong with him, with how he feels. Like he isn’t allowed to break and mourn.He probably never has been, Lance comes to the sudden painful realization. At least not in a situation where anyone but Shiro could’ve been there for him as he fell apart.





	how much longing has to fall like snow (for the spring days to come?)

They can’t get close enough.

 

They’re wrapped up together in Lance’s bed, the need to be close too strong to worry about what others might think. They’d long given up the pretense of not having any romantic feelings for each other anyway. Even if it took an evil clone and a near death situation for the whole team to find out too. And Lance’d been scared, _so_ fucking scared.

 

Scared for them, for Keith. The emotional toll facing Shiro’s – his brother’s - clone took on Keith, and what happened after. The ever convenient timing of the galran ship attack. The black lion opening up for Lance. Him taking charge and turning the tides in an otherwise hopeless situation.

 

And now they’re here, and Keith is okay and they’d somehow managed to scrape by through the whole thing and Lance finally, finally allows himself to unwind a little.

He’d never seen Keith that vulnerable before, that resigned to his own doom, as he hadn’t even attempted to fight the intruder back.

 

Lance shudders at the memory, his troubled mind calming slightly only at the feel of Keith’s heart hammering against his own chest. He can feel every heartbeat, every breath that Keith takes with how tightly they’re pressed together. Keith’s weight pinning him against the bed, only a slight comfort whereas Lance normally can’t even _think_ when he’s around Keith.

 

“Shiro is alright.” Lance says, a whisper of a breath against the other’s ear. Talking is difficult in this position but Lance wouldn’t have it any other way. They both need the proximity. “We’re gonna find him, wherever he is. We’ll find him in no time at all, you’ll see.”

 

“Okay.” Keith answers, automatic. The only response he’d been giving to anyone’s assurances this entire time. He doesn’t sound as rattled as when they found him, but he still sounds like he’s barely keeping it together on top of him.

 

If there are tears in Keith’s already red-rimmed eyes, it’s understandable. Lance only tightens his hold on him.

 

“You do know that Shiro – our Shiro - would never think that of you let alone say those disgusting things. Right?” Lance asks, voice tentative but resolved to make a point. “I may not have known him for as long as you have but anyone can see how much he cares about you. You’re like a younger brother to him, Keith. The real Shiro’d sooner die than hurt you like that.”

 

And maybe that’s exactly why Lance’d been the first one to clue in on the deception. Overcome by the sheer relief of finally having his brother back and distracted by the added burden of leadership, Keith’d failed to notice how constructive criticism had soon evolved into unwarranted biting remarks. Keith’d turned a blind eye to it, but Lance’d noticed the exact moment Shiro stopped treating Keith like his brother, and more like his leader. And then eventually like an enemy.

 

“I know.” Keith says and Lance hates how guarded he sounds. “I’m sorry for trying to run off on my own again. It was selfish and irresponsible of me.”

 

Lance frowns, “No need to be sorry? You just reacted. That’s why we’re a team and we –“

 

Keith barks out a self-deprecating laugh at that, the first emotion he’s shown since this whole debacle and the sound of it jabs right through Lance’s heart. “Some great teammate I am, then. Always putting everyone at risk by making spur of the moment decisions. Too difficult, too aggressive -“

 

“Keith, _stop_.” Lance’s not sure how he chokes it out, too stunned to think of a gentler way of halting the flood of horrible words coming out of Keith’s mouth. “You’re allowed to grieve Keith. It’s not your fault you were made to feel like you always have to do everything on your own. What I _meant_ is, you’ve got _us_. We’re all right here for you to lean on. You just gotta let yourself rely on us more.”

 

For a moment Lance thinks Keith is going to argue back. Say that there’s something wrong with him, with how he feels. Like he isn’t allowed to break and mourn.

 

He probably never has been, Lance comes to the sudden painful realization. At least not in a situation where anyone but Shiro could’ve been there for him as he fell apart.

 

And before Lance can decide what to do with the righteous anger that surges through his body, suddenly he feels wetness where Keith’s dropped his face down to press against Lance’s shoulder, his shirt beginning to soak with tears as Keith wordlessly curls tighter on top of him, his fists trembling where he’s clenched them into the bedcover.

 

Lance feels his chest flutter with worry and he is overwhelmed with the frantic need to pull Keith close, to make sure that he’s alright, and at the same time to put some distance between them so he can _see_ Keith’s face, to wipe his tears.

 

“Keith… Babe.” He whispers, keeping his voice a murmur and doing nothing to hide the affection in his words, knowing that Keith needs to hear it right now. But the dark haired boy only shakes his head and burrows closer still – not making a sound save for the occasional shaky exhale as the dampness on Lance’s shirt spreads.

 

His own quiet breakdown is not enough to distract him from his goal: Keith’s falling apart and one of them has to be strong enough to pull them through this. After all, how many times has Keith done the same for him? He remembers all too well his own insecurities getting the better of him and prompting him to question his place in the team. Lance’s woken Keith up in the middle of the night more than once, negative intrusive thoughts obstructing his mind.

 

And Keith’s got better at dealing with Lance when he’s falling apart at the seams. Has learnt that what Lance allows the others to see is but the tip of the iceberg of his worries. And he’s learnt to comfort Lance in his own way, even if sometimes it’s simply by wrapping himself around Lance and holding onto him for as long as it takes for Lance to feel like himself again.

 

Lance’s resolved to do the same for Keith. To be his anchor in times of need.

 

“I’m sorry. I know that I can trust you – all of you. It’s just hard to believe that sometimes.” Keith murmurs eventually, his lips a damp press against Lance’s skin, and Lance only pulls him in tighter, presses his face closer, as Keith’s voice cracks and fractures in a completely overwhelmed manner. “No one ever puts up with me for long. No one’s ever really wanted me for me.”

 

Keith cuts himself off with a frustrated sound, as though saying it out loud has actually pained him a little bit more, and clamps his mouth shut so quickly Lance fears for his teeth. Lance can’t bear a second more of this.

 

Just hearing the vulnerability in Keith’s voice is enough to make him want to bring Shiro’s clone back so he can kick his ass again. Because, Lance realizes with sudden terror that Keith is not only echoing the clone’s words – but words that must’ve been thrown at him his entire life by too many people, to the point that Keith himself started believing them.

 

And Lance knows a little about self-esteem. He knows also about trying to coerce oneself off years of fucked up thinking and unhealthy coping ways. And he’s damn well going to make sure that Keith knows he is nothing less but wholly accepted and loved by them all right the way he is. Lance is going to make sure he never forgets that.

 

“They’re the ones at fault then! And none of them deserved you anyway - If they’d been stupid enough to just –“ Lance cuts himself off with a huff. The protectiveness he feels for Keith making it hard to control the edge in his voice. He tries to keep it soft, though, for the other’s sake. “You’re not difficult. You – you must know that, right? Pidge may tease you about being a loner but she doesn’t do it out of malice, trust me. We all know that you need your distance sometimes and it’s fine and no one here judges you for that. And this – us together? I love it, Keith. And I care about you a lot.” The room is dark and Lance’s face is practically hidden in Keith’s hair as he speaks, but he still feels like he’s going to catch fire by the time he’s done speaking, “So just. Don’t ever think that there’s something wrong with you. Or that you’re too much to handle because that’s so not true. You’re just the right amount.”

 

It’s not just a reassurance, it’s a promise. A promise to do whatever it takes, to repeat these words as many times as necessary for Keith to start believing them too. And maybe from the way Keith shivers before he seems to sag, letting himself rest a little harder on top of Lance, he’s already managed to make a change. No matter how little.

 

“Thank you, Lance.”

 

Lance swallows hard, throat too tight for words and he presses a kiss to Keith's hair in lieu of an answer.

 

For a long while the room is completely silent. Nothing save for Keith’s uneven breaths and the rapid beating of Lance’s heart which, Lance is convinced, must be audible from the next room with how loud it is.

 

Then, Keith sucks in a long breath and speaks. “I wasn’t that out of it by the way.” Keith says, aiming for a teasing tone and if he doesn’t quite manage that, at least he doesn’t sound as shaken as before, and Lance could weep with relief. “You and Black, huh?”

 

Lance huffs out a small shallow laugh, gaze shifting away. “Yeah. Things must’ve been getting real bad if Black called out to me.”

 

Keith pulls away a little to look at him, and he’s frowning, all traces of teasing gone from his expression and replaced with a somber look.

 

“Don’t cut yourself short.” Keith says firmly, reaching up to smooth out the frown lines between Lance’s brows and Lance feels his heart swell at the affectionate gesture. “You did a great job. And you make a great leader. Black should have chosen you from the beginning.”

 

And that. What is Lance supposed to say to that?

 

“Oh man. Me leading you?” Lance barely gets the words out with the way his heart has crawled into his throat. “You’re like the worst at following orders.”

 

Keith smiles, “That’s true. I’d follow _you_ anywhere though.”

 

For a moment the words don’t register and Lance is left blinking owlishly at the man atop him. And when it does start making sense, he cannot stop the large wobbly smile that breaks across his own face and all Lance can do is tighten his grip around Keith, because suddenly he gets it.

 

Lance loves Keith, and Keith loves him right back and Lance’s never letting him go again.

 

After a beat though, Lance pulls his head back a little to regard the other with an expression of mock suspicion. “You’re not just trying to shuffle off the responsibilities of the black paladin, are you?”

 

Lance almost laughs as for a moment Keith looks downright horrified at the accusation before seeing the mischief dancing in Lance’s eyes and relaxing back against him.

 

Keith huffs out a small breath, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. “Yeah. You got me there. My cunning plan is discovered.”

 

“Damn right it is!” Lance says, ruffling Keith’s hair despite the latter’s indignant protests. He sobers up before speaking up again though, “Can we not talk about that right now? I mean – like you said, let’s not worry about who flies what, right? ‘Cause like. We make a good team together either way – you and I. We’ll just continue looking out for each other no matter what.”

 

Keith’s eyes widen momentarily at his words, but the surprise is soon replaced with a far too tender and adoring look that does nothing to help the deep flush that’s been steadily spreading across Lance’s face.

 

“See? You always know what to say.” Keith says softly, tucking a strand of Lance’s hair behind his ear. “You’re amazing as my right hand man, _and_ you’re amazing as a leader. Is there anything you can’t do?”

 

Lance’s heart feels too big for his chest but he wills himself to speak even as his voice comes out too hoarse for his liking. “Well, some mean jerk once implied that I suck at math so I _guess_ –“

 

He breaks himself off to appreciate the first genuine peal of laughter that he’s managed to pull from Keith in a long while.

**Author's Note:**

> me swinging my bat at the vld writers: heard you were talking shit about my son?? downplaying his character to "rage issues"? think again motherfuckers!! 
> 
> also this was written hours before keith's vlog came out and i'm literally so emotional stop hurting him,,


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